TODAY IS A BAD DAY - must write to get relief. JULY 2, 2012

I AM SO WEAK AND LIGHT-HEADED!  I am very tired and had stomach problems this morning. This seems to be a daily routine.  Maybe it is time for me to start dialysis.  But I am questioning why I am anemic.  The last  time it was colon cancer.  Don't want to start dialysis and find that the true cause of my anemia is not my kidneys.  This is a big decision and I am not going to make it casually.  But I know I also must recognize that if it is my kidneys I will become too sick and will have dialysis imposed on me instead of me "choosing" to dialyze. 

Have some anxiety about a few things: 

(A) buying a new home and today is the closing day and my mortgage company has not finished putting all the financial papers into place, disappointed but know God will make it happen,

(B) planning a family reunion on the property.  Need time to clear and clean the land. 

(C) mom lives with us now, really trying to get her to be more independent and get out of the house so she wont be depressed while we're at work.

(D) can't "think" to complete a simple assignment in the PHD program - God give me relief,

(E) must complete writing up awards on the job,

(F) son and family moving in our house until theirs is complete.  Not sure if mom welcomes them.  That bothers me and maybe I should question her to ensure that I am not interpreting her actions and attitude.  Also would like them to move with us to the new home and mom definitely is against their moving in with us. but I know Rodney (my nephew) wants to be in the house alone, not share with my son and his family.  this bothers me that my mom and nephew are being unreasonable about a house I struggled to pay off, and the one I am trying to get. and

(G) what am I going to do with the school (JMIA)? 

Just a few of the things on my mind.  Cannot sleep.  have been struggling in the length and quality of the sleep I have had for the past couple of years.  I do know the family drama is getting to me, but I pray daily to the Lord to remove any negative thoughts.  I love my husband, son, daughter in law and grand-kids and would do anything for them but will not let others hurt them.  I have been very generous to my extended family and only ask for appreciation and respect for my decisions. 
My toe nails are filled with fungus.  Must brain storm solutions and choose the best.  Need to lose a minimum of 40 pounds.  So, I guess I just need to develop a list and do ONE THING AT A TIME until I get my health back to a point of me functioning well.